Change your life

In this blog post I want to talk to you about our thoughts, and how our thoughts determine our behaviours. And by learning this law of behaviour, we can have the power to change our life.

We call these looping thoughts. In the rule of behaviour, everything begins with a thought. First we have a thought, then we have a feeling, and then we have a behaviour, and then our behaviour re-inforces our thought, and this is often referred to as looping thoughts. It always goes this way: thought, feeling, behaviour, it doesn’t go behaviour, feeling, thought, because you have to think a thought first.

For example, if I have the thought ‘Bees are scary, they sting and hurt’. I’m then going to feel scared when I see a bee, my heart rate might shoot up, I might even get a bit hot & sweaty, my stomach might start to churn. And then, in turn I’ll behave in a way that reflects this, I’ll probably get up and run away when I see a bee. I might even throw my arms up in the air, I might scream, I might even run around looking a little crazy. 

If I have the thought ‘I’m not very fit, and I hate working-out’. I’m going to feel unmotivated to workout, I’m going to have a sense of dread when it comes to working-out, and when I do workout it is going to feel like hard work, I’m going to feel miserable. So then my behaviour is going to be that I don’t workout, or if I do force myself to workout I’m not going to enjoy it, and I’m just going to go through the motions begrudgingly. 

Now imagine I changed that thought to ‘I rise to the challenge of a workout, I’m getting fitter with every workout’. I’m going to feel more motivated to workout, and my behaviour will reflect this, as I’ll actually start working-out, and I’ll most likely start to enjoy them, and feel positive about working-out and feel a sense of accomplishment after a workout. 

You have to think a thought to then feel a certain way, and the way you feel will determine the action and behaviours you take.

So if you want to change your life, change a habit, a behaviour, then you need to start with your thinking.

In the law of behaviour, thought comes first. And our thoughts dictate our feelings, our feelings dictate our actions and our behaviours, and then we justify it with a thought, this is what we call looping thoughts.

Here’s an example of how this works. I think the thought ‘I’m not enough’. If that’s my thought, I’m not enough, I’m going to feel sad, blocked, frustrated, angry, defensive, tearful, maybe depressed, unmotivated etc. So I have the thought, I then have the feeling, and then I have the behaviour. If I think I’m not enough, and I feel sad or blocked or frustrated, the behaviour is I’m not going to do much, I’m going to procrastinate, I’m going to self-sabotage, I’m going to get super defensive, I might cry or get angry with someone. And then here’s the loop ‘because I’m not enough’. So our thoughts determine our feelings which in turn determine our behaviour which in turn re-inforces our thought.

But imagine if I reversed that and said ‘I am enough’ And because I am enough, I feel confident, I feel brave, I feel motivated, I feel happy, I feel positive. And in turn, I’m going to behave that way, I’m going to take some risks, I’m going to ask that person out, apply for that job, follow my goals, chase my dreams because I am enough. So we have a thought, we have a feeling, we have a behaviour, and then our behaviour reinforces that thought.

We have a thought, and it can be negative or positive it doesn’t matter. If I think I’m no good I feel frustrated and I act out because I think I’m no good, if I think I am good I feel positive and I get things done because I’m good.

So now we know this what can we do?

Don’t believe everything you think

Well we can start by changing our thoughts. We don’t have to believe every thought that comes into our head. We have approximately anywhere between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts a day. We don’t have to believe every thought we think. Question your thoughts, challenge it, is it true, is it really true? Are bees really that scary? Do they sting? Do they sting all the time, and everyone that crosses their path?

Change your thought

If a thought isn’t serving you, and isn’t helping you, change it. The fascinating thing about our brain is, it doesn’t care whether you’re right or wrong, if something is true or false, good or bad, if you say it and think it, it will simply let it in. So only say and think good thoughts and helpful thoughts (and don’t worry about whether you think it’s right or wrong, true or false, good or bad), if I keep telling myself I’m not scared of bees, bees aren’t scary, they’re actually pretty useful as they make honey, they don’t sting unless they really need to, so as long as they’re left alone they’ll leave you alone. Ultimately my feelings about bees will change, and in turn my behaviour will change. When I’m sat in a beer garden in the summer enjoying a drink with my friends, and I see a bee, I won’t feel the need to get up and jump & run around, flapping my arms like crazy.

If I change my thought ‘I’m not enough’ to ‘I’m enough’. And I keep telling myself I’m enough, I repeat it to myself over and over again throughout the day, perhaps I write a note saying ‘I’m enough’ and put it on my bathroom mirror and on the fridge so I see it. My feelings about myself are going to change, I’m going to feel more confident, brave, motivated, focused. And in turn, guess what, yes you’ve guess it, my behaviour will change. I’ll do the actions I need to do to achieve my goals, I won’t procrastinate, and worry about what others will think. I’ll apply for that job, go on that date, apply for that promotion, take up that new sport / class / course etc.

So our thoughts are truly powerful. And we get to choose our thoughts. So next time you have a thought, ask yourself if it’s helpful or not, and if it’s not helpful change the thought around, what’s the opposite of that thought. 

Only let positive, helpful thoughts in. Do this, and you’ll see your life change. 

If you’d like help to change your life, to change a behaviour do get in touch. I offer 121 hypnotherapy sessions online, and also hypnotherapy in Beaconsfield and Amersham (South Buckinghamshire). Email laura@laurabeadle.com to find out more.